Today I went to college as usual but I forced myself to stay away from friends who wants to talk to me about it. If I met up with them, I just pretend that I'm onto something to do but actually I'm not. If my actions today are very stupid, then let it. This is my characteristic which I can't change unless I want to. My life is mine, & I'm using it at my own will. People always say why am I so emo, let it. People say why am I so sad, let it. People say why am I fat, let it. They say I'm a useless class rep, let it. What they wanna gossip, let it. I'm used to so many gossips & talks about me. If I'm able to avoid telling out why am I like this or like that, I'll avoid it. I felt like I'm going back to my secondary school life. Probably my secondary is still not as bad as this. Being alone at times when there are no class unless occasionally we met up. As I said, VAD is the best friends I have. Drinking together, outings together, duty together, work together in a team & supporting one another. Some of my college friends might get offended with the previous sentence but, in my blog, it's all about my life. I have nothing to hide unless necessary. If I'm fated to fail in love, then let it. I'm giving up looking for another relationship. I've failed which this is the second time. It's ok. I know it's stupid to give up hope. Whether or not I still like her, it remains in my heart. If my actions are obvious, then I can't help it. It'll remains as a memory. A bad memory. A memory that will be kept till the day I lost it. Probably in an accident or something unexpected. Feeling awkward talking to her is normal. Creating a topic to talk to her is difficult. We weren't that close anymore. It takes time. 1 day? 1 week? 1 month? or probably 1 year. The time is undefined. I'm not enjoying my life nowadays. But as long I'm still breathing to live, I just go through it. What comes around goes around. Happy times past very fast. Sad time past very slow. Anger & hating might remain forever.
